Matt's Messages - How to Make a [Godly] Momma Happy

"How to Make A [Godly] Momma Happy"
May 8, 2005
Ephesians 6:1-4

Finish this sentence for me:

"If Momma ain’t happy?..." ["Ain’t...nobody happy!"]

What makes Momma happy?

Well, on this Mother’s day, I can think of all kinds of things that make Mommas happy:

When their kids are happy, when their kids are doing well in school or in their careers or in their relationships. When their kids give them flowers. When their kids give them grandkids. When their whole family gathers around the big table for the big meal.

Lots of things make Mommas happy. And I hope there are lots of happy Mommas here at church this morning!

When I was trying to decide whether or not to just keep going on in Exodus this week or to do a special Mother’s Day message today, my mind did a jump from Exodus 20 and the 5th commandment (which is verse 12) to the way that the Apostle Paul picks up that commandment and uses it in Ephesians chapter 6, verses 1 through 4. That’s where we’re going to be today. I think it really fits Mother’s Day. Paul quotes the 5th commandment (Exodus 20, verse 12) in Ephesians chapter 6, verses 1 through 4. Pew Bible Page #1159.

These are 4 verses on Christian parenting that are a part of the Apostle Paul’s explanation of what the Spirit-filled and submissive life looks like.

And what struck me this week, as I was pondering this [while pushing my lawnmower back and forth and back and forth across the lawn to make Robin’s Momma happy] what struck me was that even though these 4 verses are all about Christian parenting, the focus is not on the Mommas, but on the other members of the family: the kids and the dads.

And it struck me that a Godly Momma would be very happy if the kids and the dads in our Christian families did what God tells them to do right here in Ephesians 6:1-4.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’–which is the first commandment with a promise–‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (NIV)

Let’s pray and then talk about how to make a [Godly] Momma happy.

[prayer]

Here’s how to make a [Godly] Momma happy.

Number one. This is for the kids.

#1. KIDS, OBEY AND HONOR YOUR MOM & DAD.

V.1 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Obey your parents.

Now, let me ask you a trick question. Let’s see how close you are paying attention to the Bible. What do you think are the 3 most important words in v.1? What are the 3 most important words in verse 1? Kids, what do you think?

You might guess that the words, "Obey your parents" are the most important because they tell you WHAT to do and to WHOM. You are to do what Mom and Dad say. When they give you some instructions, you are to carry them out. "Obey your parents." You know what that means. We tell our kids that "to obey means to do what I say right away." And that’s important. But "obey your parents" are NOT the most important words in that sentence.

The three most important words are "in the Lord." Because "in the Lord" tells us WHY and HOW to obey. That’s the most important thing you can know about this command!

Christian children are called to obey their parents IN THE LORD.
Now, what does that mean? It doesn’t mean that you are only to obey your parents if they are Christians. Some of your parents are probably not Christians. But "in the Lord" does not mean only if they are "in the Lord."

"In the Lord" means 2 things:

First, obey BECAUSE of the Lord. And second, obey LIKE you would the Lord. Obey because of the Lord and obey like you would the Lord.

Does that make sense? Are you still with me, kids?

"The Lord" is the Lord Jesus Christ. He wants kids to obey their parents. So, if you believe in Jesus BECAUSE of that, you are called to obey your parents.

I can imagine that some of you don’t like to do the dishes or take out the garbage or clean your room or put away your toys or go to bed or limit your phone-time or turn off the television when asked. [Anyone here like that?] But when Mom or Dad says it’s time to do that, God is asking you to remember what He has commanded of you.

If you are "in the Lord," then He wants you to obey them. Don’t give them a hard time about it. Do it. They are in charge. Not because they are bigger and stronger (or better) but because God has placed them in a position of authority over you. So, obey IN THE LORD.

Second, "in the Lord" means LIKE YOU WOULD the Lord. Imagine if Jesus Himself showed up and asked you to take out the garbage. Would you? I sure hope so! If you don’t think you would, then you don’t really know who Jesus is yet!

That’s what it means to obey IN THE LORD. It means to treat your Mom and Dad like you would treat Jesus. Is that always easy? No. But God will help you to do it if you remember that you are IN THE LORD.

Notice the last phrase of this verse. God says, "obey your parents in the Lord for this is right."

To obey is the right thing to do. That’s how God has designed the family.

This week on the National Day of Prayer we prayed again for our military in "harm’s way" around the world. Imagine for a second that the US Marines did not have a design and structure. Imagine if there were no commanding officers. And when the soldiers went running through Iraq with guns nobody was in charge. And one of them yells, "Shoot over there!" And someone else yells back, "No, I don’t want to! Shoot over here!" And somebody else yelled, "No, I don’t want to! Shoot over here!" Do you think they would ever win a battle? Never. They probably wouldn’t even survive!

That’s one of the reasons why God has designed families to work in this in this way. He puts someone in charge of the family so that they can win spiritual battles for Him. And Moms and Dads are the commanding officers of the family.

So, kids, obey your Mom and Dad IN THE LORD (because of the Lord and like you would the Lord), for this is right.

And more than just obey: honor. V.2

"‘Honor your father and mother’–which is the first commandment with a promise–‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’"

Here’s where Paul is quoting Exodus chapter 20. He’s pointint out that obedience to parents is part of a bigger command that God gave way back in the 10 Commandments. Obeying is a part of honoring. And its not just young children who are called to honor. Children who still live at home are called to obey. All children are called to honor.

So, kids (and all of us are kids of one age or another!), obey and HONOR your Mom and Dad.

"`Honor your father and mother’–which is the first commandment with a promise–`that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’"

To honor someone means to value, to prize, to make someone big, to enlarge their reputation, to give them respect and appreciation and esteem and dignity and status and consideration.

I like to boil "honor" down into 5 words:

Honor = Obey + Respect + Thank + Love + Care

We already talked about Obey.

"Respect" means to recognize their unique position in your life and treat them with the esteem and value and consideration due them.

It especially comes out in the way that you talk about them to others. Guys, how do you talk about your father to your friends? Are you always complaining? Or talking them up? Young ladies, what are you doing to your Mother’s reputation? Are you enhancing it with your friends or poking fun at her and hurting her in their eyes. Respect.

"Thank" is obvious. But often overlooked. When was the last time you honored your parents with a "Thank-You" for what they’ve done well? And not just on Mother’s Day!

"Love" means to actively seek their best. Show affection for them. Hug your Dad, he’ll love it! Kiss your Mom, she’ll love it! Tell them about your love for them. They will be honored.

"Care" is when it flips over the other way. Maybe now you are stronger, more able to get around, more financially free, but they need you to honor them by taking care of them. Fix what needs done around the house. Yes, mow their lawn! Arrange for hospital visits, nursing care, take them into your homes.

God calls us to honor our Moms and Dads. None of us are excused from this command.

And Paul points out that this commandment came with a promise. I love it when God does this. He calls us to honor and then tells us what things are going to happen when we do. And you can sum it up with one word: blessing.

Expect blessing when you honor your folks.

Look at v.3. It’s the promise:

"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Now, I admit sometimes when I read this, I think of Bill Cosby’s famous line, "Son, I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!" In other words, Paul is saying that your folks won’t kill you if you honor them!

But God isn’t talking so much about how our parents will treat us, as how He will treat us when we obey His commands for us.

God promises quality and (to some extent) quantity of life for those who honor their parents.

Sometimes it’s hard to honor our parents. We all know stories of children from dysfunctional families where alcohol and abuse have reigned that have had to overcome great odds to even admit that someone is their father or mother. Maybe your parents have been a disappointment to you in some major way. But God is bigger than those disappointments. They are holding you back, but God is calling you forward–to honor (obey, respect, thank, love, care for) your parents. And when you do, there is blessing on the way.

Tedd Tripp, in his excellent little book Shepherding a Child’s Heart calls this the "Circle of Blessing."

When we are honoring our parents (and for those of you still young and at home that includes obeying them), we are operating in the Circle of Blessing. And inside that circle is a good and gracious place to live!

It will "go well with you" and you will "enjoy long life on the earth."

But when we disobey, when we dishonoring, we are stepping outside that Circle of Blessing. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love us anymore. Or that all is lost. It does mean that we are in danger. It does mean that a loving God and loving parents for children still at home need to discipline us back into the safe circle.

Are you living in the circle of blessing right now? Or are you in danger?

Kids, make your Momma happy, and obey and honor her and your Dad.

Make this practical today. What actions should you be taking to fix disobedience and dishonor in your relationship with your folks? What actions can you take to move towards quick obedience and to honor your Mom and Dad?

Maybe you want to write something down on the back of your bulletin.

If you are a kid still living in your parents’ home right now, maybe you want to focus on some aspect of obedience that you have been falling down on recently. Your Mom or Dad has been asking you to do...what? And you haven’t or you haven’t done it quickly and or you’ve been giving too many questions or objections. Right it down and do something about it.

Or maybe your application is going to be about honoring. Maybe you need to change the way you talk about your Dad or your Mom to your friends. Maybe you need to write a Thank-You note today (or every day this week!) to thank them for a job well done. Or maybe there’s something they need done around their home. Or maybe they need a phone call or a listening ear. Or maybe they are gone and their memory needs to be honored in some way (a journal entry, a story told about them to your children, a phone call to their nearest living relative, something like that). Write it down in your application box with a prayer for God’s help in doing it, and then rejoice in the blessing that God has in store for you. "It will go well with you." ...

And it will make a Godly Momma happy.

Number Two. This is for the Dads.

#2. DADS, LOVINGLY DISCIPLE YOUR KIDS. V.4

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Notice that it says, "Fathers." Not "Mothers." That does NOT mean that Moms are not called to this kind of ministry to their children. They are.

But it does mean that Dads have a special calling to lead spiritually in the home.

God has designed the family in such a way as to place the Father in the position of authority. More than the mother, the family (especially the family’s spiritual condition) is the leadership responsibility of the father.

Dads, did you hear that? God is calling you to lead your family spiritually. No exceptions. Do you see an exception in this verse? No question that moms are important! But, God is looking you in the eye and asking you to take responsibility for the spiritual direction of your kids.

It doesn’t matter if your wife is better at it than you are (mine certainly is!). It doesn’t matter if your mother was the spiritual leader in your family. It doesn’t matter if your wife gets to spend much more time with them than you do. It doesn’t matter if all the other dads you know are trying to get out of it. You have read this verse. You are called to it. It says, "Fathers."

The greatest social crisis of our American culture today is the abandonment of the responsibilities of the family by fathers. We are becoming a father-less society. And it is an abomination to the Lord. Because that’s not how God has designed the family. This is God’s design. And as a nation, we are drifting farther and farther from it. And it’s happened in the church. The church in Central Pennsylvania is full of mother-led families.

And there are families that have to be like that. Single mothers. Divorced situations. Families where the fathers are unbelievers. And God has much grace for you if you are in that situation.

But woe to the men who are abdicating their role!

Dads, let’s take back responsibility for the spiritual leadership of our homes.

I guarantee that a Godly Momma will be happy that we do. It might take them a while to get used to it (!), but they will be happy that you are leading.

I asked my wife yesterday, "Would you be happy if your children obeyed and honored you and I took responsibility to lovingly disciple the kids?"

"Would I ever!"

Dads, we need to get busy. V.4

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children." Stop there.

He starts out negatively: Don’t do this.

Don’t exasperate your children. With the authority and power of leadership comes the responsibility of self-control and reasonableness in its use.

"Exasperate" is a big word that means to bother, to disturb, to annoy, to chafe, to irk, to irritate, to vex. The King James Version had it right, "Provoke not your children to wrath." Don’t parent in such a way that you create an angry child.

Dads, this is just as important as your children learning to obey you.

You need to be the kind of dad worth obeying.

What kind of things create an angry child? Let me give you a quick list:
- Unreasonable demands. Can they do what you are asking?
- Petty rules. Is there really a reason you are asking this of them?
- Favoritism. They will know if you like one better than another.
- Unrighteous Anger. They will learn it from you.
- Unfairness. Did you say one thing and then do another?
- Humiliation. Nothing breaks the spirit as much as public shaming.
- Abuse. The anger will build and build and then you’ve lost them.
- And neglect. You’ve got to pour your time and attention into them so that they won’t grow in anger and resentment.

Does this mean that you are not to cross their will? Does this mean that you are to pussyfoot around your children so that they never get upset with you? No. That would turn the home upside down.

There once was a boy who was running away from home (had his pack over his back and everything), and a policeman drove by and asked him, "Sonny, what are you doing?" The little boy said, "I’m running away from home." "Why are you doing that?" "Because Mother and Dad won’t obey me anymore!" was his reply. Unfortunately, there are too many families like that!

No, this doesn’t mean that you never make them mad. It means that you don’t make them mad for no good reason! It doesn’t mean don’t put your foot down so that they are always happy with you. It means put your foot down in a reasonable place with a view towards their long-term good not your short-term comfort!

One of my favorite authors put it this way, "`Paul says, "Don't provoke your children to anger.’ What does he mean? He doesn't mean don't cross their will. He doesn't mean don't deny their desires. He means don't cross their will for no good purpose. Don't deny their desires without making it a part of some great vision of God's purposes in the world. Show your children something great to live for, so that when you cross their will and deny their desire it's because you are fitting them for some great purpose of God!

Anger comes from feeling that a parent's rules are petty and trivial–that they don't have anything to do with something really great or important. But a child who sees that the rules of the home and their consistent enforcement are connected to some great vision of life and some great cause to live for will not harbor resentment toward their parents. They will be like young soldiers who may complain now and then about the toughness of the training but would die any day with the captain, because the cause he stands for is so great. Parents who don't see discipline as part of some great vision of what their children might become for God will wind up using discipline to increase their own private comfort. And children will see that and eventually become angry." (John Piper, Raising Children Who Hope in the Triumph of God, Morning Sermon, 05/08/88)

Don’t exasperate your children.

Instead, v.4, "Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

The words "Bring them up" means to meet their needs–especially spiritually. Many parents only go so far with this. They meet their children’s needs for food, clothing, shelter, education, and security, but they miss the most important one!

Dads are called by God to bring up their children (nourish their children) in the training of the Lord.

Just like "in the Lord" was the most important three words of v.1, "of the Lord" is the most important words of v.4. "Of the Lord."

This is all about Jesus!

Dads, you are called to bring up your children so that they are trained of the Lord.

The word "trained" in the NIV is the same word used elsewhere for discipline. It means using whatever means are at your disposal to move your children to know, fear, trust, obey, and love Jesus. It includes discipline in the home (spankings!) but it’s more than that, and this points everything toward the Lord. It is discipline or training so that your children come to know, fear, trust, obey, and love Jesus.

It will look different at different ages.

When they are really little, it means praying for them and talk about Jesus with them before they know much about Who He is.

When they get a little older, it means reading them good Christian books. We have a bunch in our children’s library. I could give you a long list of those that we think are really helpful.

It means praying with them. And using teachable moments. And bringing Jesus into everything (because everything is about Him!).

It means the Rod. It means spankings because God has called us to love our children away from the danger of disobedience and into the circle of blessing.

And it means instruction, too. Which is the last word here.

"Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

This is using words: teaching, admonishing, warning, correcting, entreating. Appealing to their conscience. Showing them the way of God.

Instructing them.

Dads, this is your responsibility.

Formally and informally, we are called to instruct our children in the Lord.

In our home, we have just begun a catechism for Robin and Andrew. It has 77 questions with simple age-appropriate answers. I expect that by this time next year, both of them will have all 77 answers memorized.

Question #2 is "Why am I here?" The answer is: "God gave me life to live for Him."

What’s that? "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

It’s my job to teach those things to my children.

Dads, it’s your job, too.

Don’t expect the church to do this for you! The Sunday School and Children’s Church and Kids for Christ and ABC Kids and Uth Group are helpful in coming alongside and enhancing what you are doing at home, but they are woefully inadequate to turn your children into fully loving followers of Jesus like God wants them to be. By God’s grace, that’s your job!

And Moms, that’s your job, too. To follow Dad’s lead in instructing your children in the ways of God. Especially, if there is no Christian father in the picture.

Do it! I’m calling you now to make an application.

Dads, what do you need to put in place so that you are lovingly discipling your kids?

A Bible memory program at home?
Family devotions at the dinner table or at bedtime?
A trip back to the church library to get some good books to feed into your kids?
An attitude adjustment?

Let me tell you what we do at home every night. We could do more and probably need to. You aren’t supposed to just do whatever we do, but maybe this will spark for you some ideas of what to do with your family.

After we get everybody in their pyjamas, we meet in the living room on the couch. That’s one full couch! Actually, right now, Isaac gets his bottle from Mommy in another chair. But everybody else is on the couch.

And we get out the globe and we find a country (of the week) that we can pray for. And normally figure out something about that country that we can learn or remind ourselves of, like who we know that lives there. Missionaries, etc.

And then we go over our catechism question. In the past, Christian children had a wealth of good theology stored up in their hearts and minds by exposure to good catechisms. We go over the question before and the question we are working on.

And we also focus in on some other Bible story or spiritual book.

And then we pray together. I always pray for the children. And then we sing, "Trust and Obey" and we are training and instructing them in how to be happy in Jesus every night when we sing it. And then the kids pile off of the couch and sit in other chairs in the living room (they get to choose) and we sing songs about Jesus four or five of them. And then we have smooches, and we head off to our bedrooms.

But it doesn’t end there. In our bedrooms we have prayers. The boys pray together with Mommy and me. I lead. I ask Drew to pray, and thank Jesus for the good gifts that He has given him today. And both Mommy and I pray for each boy.

And then, Mommy sings with the boys while I go back and read another Bible story to Robin from our special book, just for the two of us. Last night was about King Uzziah. And then after tucking in the boys, Mommy and I kneel with Robin at her bed and pray with her.

But that’s not the end. After I have prayed for Robin, I leave and Heather has one-on-one time with Robin, too. They have been reading stories about great Christians from church history (called Hero Tales), and they sing together, too. It was in one of those times this January that Robin indicated that she had come to trust Jesus for the forgiveness of her sins and eternal life. Robin said that she was now a "found-sheep," no longer lost and wandering from the fold.

And then, Mommy finally closes the door.

That particular bedtime ritual isn’t for everyone. It probably takes us 45 minutes every night to go through that ritual.

But it is time well spent!

We are trying to bring up Robin, Andrew, Peter, and Isaac in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

It’s our calling. It’s God’s command. And we can’t ignore it.

Dads, what do you need to put in place with your kids?

If your kids are older, is it time for a family Bible study?

Maybe you could study together last week’s sermon text and read ahead and talk about the passage that is coming up for the next week’s sermon?

Maybe you could go over the application questions from each week’s message with your kids.

Are you teaching your kids about Christ? About good theology? How to pray? How to serve in church in a ministry? About a Christian world-view? About the evils of abortion and racism? About what it means to be a godly man or a godly woman?

Dads, lovingly disciple your kids.

Don’t exasperate them, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Kids, Obey and Honor Your Mom & Dad.
Dads, Lovingly Disciple Your Kids.

And it will make your [godly] Momma happy.

But more than that, it will please your God.