“Keep Together”
October 22, 2006
Matthew 19:1-9
Today is our last day specifically on the topic of marriage in our Home Improvement Series. We’ve talked so far about headship, submission, being married to an unbeliever, and being lovers. Next week, we’re going to talk about one of the world’s bad alternatives to marriage: homosexuality. And parents, you may want to think about whether or not to have your younger kids in the service next week. Just like last week, it will be a G-rated show. I will not be graphic or crude in any way [in fact, I’ll be less explicit than last week because the Bible is], but the subject matter is potentially explosive, so you may want to take some care with the younger ones and at least be ready to have some good family discussion of what is said.
And then in November, we’ll begin talking about children and parenting. So, today is our last day specifically on the subject of marriage.
And today we’re going to tackle the topic of when marriage goes sour. When marriages experience conflict. And when marriages threaten to break up.
Divorce.
To continue our construction metaphor, divorce is the threat of demolition to our home-improvement project. At least, demolition to the marriage part of home improvement.
And I don’t have to say much to convince you that divorce is demolition.
Every family here has been touched by the excruciating pain of divorce in some way or another. We’ve all seen it, some more closely than others. A number of us here have been divorced or are the children of divorce and feel its effects. And our culture, especially our local culture, bears all of the marks of demolition because of the destructive force of divorce.
In Matthew 19, the Pharisees (Jesus’ religious enemies), tried to trip him up on the subject of divorce. Let’s read it. Matthew 19, verse 1.
“When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’”
Now, notice that this was not an honest question. Verse 3 says that they were testing Him.
This question of the legality and permissibility of divorce was one that the rabbis had argued over for a few centuries, and they were trying to get Jesus into trouble by laying a trap for Him.
They are specifically referencing a popular debate over a text in Deuteronomy 24. Some rabbis taught that you could only divorce (and it was mandated to divorce) if there was adultery. Others taught this (v.3) that you could divorce for any and every reason including the wife burning the toast!
But Jesus, as usual, doesn’t fall for the trap and cuts His own unique path through the minefield. He takes them back to a more fundamental text: Genesis 2. Look at v.4.
“‘Haven't you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.’”
Jesus takes them back to the original design for marriage–in the garden. And He points out that we were made male and female and because of that, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. That’s the biblical definition of marriage.
And who does that? Who does the marriage? V.6. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
This is God’s fundamental stance on divorce. He hates it.
He despises divorce. He doesn’t want it. It’s against His revealed will.
He puts couples together in marriage. He doesn’t want them undoing it.
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Now, the Pharisees didn’t like that answer. They still thought that they could trap Him by using the Law of Moses (which was God’s Law, after all) to catch Jesus in a wrong answer. V.7
“‘Why then,’ they asked, ‘did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?’ Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.’”
Now catch what Jesus is doing here.
On the one hand, He reveals that divorce is permissible in God’s eyes in some situations.
God (through Moses) permitted divorce because of human weakness–the hardness of men’s hearts.
And Jesus allows one exception to the general rule here in verse 9. “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness [Greek Word: porneia - a wide range of sexual sins], and marries another woman commits adultery.”
So marital unfaithfulness is an exception to the general rule.
And the Apostle Paul makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 7:5 that believing spouses who have been abandoned by unbelieving spouses do not have to consider themselves bound either.
So there are two exceptions to the general rule.
But notice what Jesus is doing! He is saying that, on the one hand, divorce is permissible in God’s eyes in some situations (porneia and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse), but on the other hand, He is establishing the priority of the general rule.
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Anything outside of those two exceptions is adultery and is opposed by God.
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
While divorce is sometimes permissible, [and if you are divorced for one of God’s exceptional reasons, there is no shame for you to feel...and yet...while divorce is sometimes permissible...] God’s fundamental stance towards it is hate.
Malachi 2:16, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the LORD God of Israel.”
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
What God has joined together, let couples KEEP TOGETHER.
Now, I’d like to give three principles that I think are biblical counsel for couples to keep them together.
If I had time, I’d love to talk about how to follow Christ after being divorced because I know that a number of us here are in that boat.
And many of you are doing that very well and living out a God-centered lifestyle in your particular situation.
I’m hopeful that some of what I’ll have to say in a month or so about singleness will apply directly to you.
But today, I’d like to try to help our married couples keep together. And if you are soon to be married or would like to be married, I think this would be good counsel for you to store away, as well.
Because Jesus was adamant: “What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
#1. KEEP YOUR PROMISES.
At our wedding, my Dad told us that marriage is simple (not easy, but simple). There are only two keys to a good marriage, he said: marry the right person and keep your promises.
Keep your promises.
If you are married, do you remember what you said at the altar? “Before God and these witnesses?”
Here’s what I said on June 18, 1994:
I, Matthew Charles,
give myself to you, Heather Joy,
to be your heart’s companion,
your helper and partner,
your support and your safe place.
By the power of our Lord Jesus Christ
I will not break this vow
whether we are in sickness or in health,
poverty or wealth,
sorrow or joy.
I give you my love.
Those were my promises and they entailed a bunch of others.
And if God put us together, then I need to keep us together by keeping my promises.
It’s about commitment. What I’ve noticed about couples these days is that they are not committed to their promises from the beginning and to the end.
They don’t seem to realize that marriage is a lifelong thing. There seems to be “escape clauses” built into their understanding of marriage.
But marriage is supposed to be “for better, for worse, and for keeps.”
Genesis 2:24. “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Marriage is supposed to be a permanent bond built on solemn promises–a covenant brought together by God.
I’ve said it a number of times this Fall already. That’s what you build your marriage upon–commitment...not feelings.
When conflict comes (and conflict is inevitable!), you stay married because you are married! You are in covenant with that person.
Here’s one practical way to do this: never use the D-Word.
Don’t joke about it.
Don’t throw it in there sometimes to get a reaction.
Don’t use it when you’re fighting.
Banish it from your relational dictionary for you and your spouse.
Never use the D-Word.
Your kids (if you have any) will thank you for it.
Keep your promises.
That includes being faithful to your spouse, right?
What we saw last week in Proverbs 5 about being satisfied with your spouse alone. Eyes for her, eyes for him alone.
Adultery devastates marriages. Don’t allow yourself to go down that path even a little bit.
If you are tempted, then read Proverbs chapter 5 three times a day every day for the next month. And do what it says.
Be faithful. Keep your promises. I know that it’s harder than it sounds, but it is possible, and it’s what you need.
Keep your promises.
God put you together. It’s not just you and her. It’s not just you and him. What God has joined together you keep together.
Keep your promises.
#2. KEEP SHORT ACCOUNTS.
This means to be peacemakers in your home.
It means to work through conflict and make sure you get it worked through.
Ken Sande in his excellent book, Peacemaking for Families says in chapter 1, “Marriage Means Conflict.”
You are going to have conflict. It’s inevitable. You are two imperfect sinners joined together in covenant relationship! You’re going to have trouble.
The question is what are you going to do with that conflict?
Conflict is an opportunity for God to work in your marriage.
And for you to work it out.
Now some people fall into the ditch on one hand of what Ken Sande calls “Peace-Faking” that is running away or trying to escape from conflict. Raise your hand if that’s your normal way of handling things.
And the ditch on the other side is what Ken Sande calls “Peace-Breaking” which is attacking and trying to win the argument at all costs. Raise your hand if you that’s your normal way of handling things.
In the middle is peacemaking–the process of working out your differences in God’s grace. And it involves a lot of longsufferingness and forgiveness.
Keeping short accounts.
Two weeks ago I told you about a fight that my wife and I had where she had ended up being submissive.
A number of you asked for more information about that fight. I’m guessing that you didn’t know that Heather and I don’t always agree.
We were actually arguing about training wheels.
I was for, she was against. And we were both pretty dead-set in our opinions about it. At one point, the “discussion” came to tears.
But there are two things about our “fights” that you need to know.
First is that we are (point #1) committed to our covenant. So any disagreement takes place within our marriage and doesn’t threaten to undo it.
Sometimes to cool down we have to leave the room. Once I actually left our apartment. In my socks! There wasn’t anywhere for me to go.
But we know that we are both committed to our marriage no matter what. We are in covenant. And so we are free to disagree within a safe place.
And the second thing you need to know about our “fights” is that we resolve them. Every one of them.
We take Ephesians 4:26-27 very seriously. It says, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Lots of couples let the devil get a foothold in their marriages by letting little conflicts go unresolved and adding up to big conflicts.
Paul says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
Keep short accounts.
Be quick to forgive.
Be diligent to confront.
Be fast to overlook.
Bear with one another.
We take this phrase literally. “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
We don’t go to bed with unreconciled conflict.
Now, sometimes, we have to agree to disagree and go to sleep–on the issue. Agree to disagree on the issue we are disagreeing about.
But not on the relationship. We don’t got to bed angry.
And sometimes we have heavy-eyelids the next day because it took some time to work it out.
But we do. And I expect our marriage to last until we die or Jesus returns.
Keep short accounts.
Now, I know that that’s easier said than done. Especially when one of the spouses isn’t willing to work on it.
And you can’t do their side for them. You can’t.
But you can take responsibility for your side. And you can look out for their best interests.
Remember Philippians 2 that we quoted last week. “Look not only to your own interests, but to the interests of others.”
What I see today is couples that are more concerned about their “rights” than about their spouse’s best interests.
What would happen if every husband laid aside his own agenda and looked out first of all for his wife’s interests? Even if they were fighting.
What would happen if every wife laid aside her own personal agenda and looked out first all for her husband’s interests? Even if he seemed to be against her.
The best book I’ve ever read on conflict-ridden lopsided marriages is by Leslie Vernick, and the title says it all How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong.
David Powlison calls that a “Unilateral Love Offensive.”
You can love your spouse and do what’s best for them even if they don’t return the favor.
That’s got to be part of your commitment.
To keep short accounts.
Heather and I worked our conflict out. And when she was submissive and said that we could do it my way, I proposed a compromise where we try it her way for a little while but we keep the option of adding training wheels alive.
We worked it out.
Keep short accounts.
If you are having trouble working it out. Let me give you a piece of advice.
Get help early on.
Get help now.
Too many couples (most of them!) wait until its almost too late to seek out help.
Remember that sermon I gave 6 months ago from Proverbs 15:22? “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Humble yourself and get help.
Let me say something provocative: All marriages need outside help.
I’m not saying professionally.
But we are sinful people who need each other. That’s why we have the Body of Christ.
That’s why we offer Link Groups. That’s why we need fellowship with each other.
Not everything requires a pastor or a counselor.
But we all need each other. All marriages need outside help.
Especially when you’re stuck. Don’t try to go it alone. Seek out someone you trust to talk it out.
Call a Christian friend with a marriage you respect.
Give me a call. I’m here for your marriages.
Call another one of our elders. They’d be glad to help you.
Keep short accounts, and when you can’t, get help without delay.
Because God has put you together. Your job is to keep together.
And the third way to do that: #3. KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS.
Be Gospel-Centered in your marriage.
Keep your eyes on Jesus.
If you are looking to your spouse to satisfy your deepest desires, you will be so disappointed. But if you are looking to Jesus for your heart’s satisfaction, you will not be disappointed in the slightest.
Jesus Christ died and was raised for your sins.
He died and was raised for the sins you have committed against your spouse.
He died and was raised for the sins you have received from your spouse.
And there is grace to cover them all at the Cross.
Keep your eyes on Jesus.
Remember what Holly said last week about the Real Love Triangle?
Jesus at the top and you and your spouse on either side.
If you both move towards Jesus, you will move towards one another.
And the worst case scenario would be if your spouse decided to no longer move towards Jesus. But where does that leave you?
Closer to Jesus anyway. And that’s what really matters, isn’t it?
Keep you eyes on Jesus.
If that means that you need to repent of something, then do it.
If you need to repent of your selfishness in your marriage, then do it.
If you need to repent of unfaithfulness in your marriage, then do it.
If you need to repent of peace-faking or peace-breaking in your marriage, then do it.
If you need to repent of treating your covenant lightly, then do it.
If you need to repent of unforgiveness and lingering bitterness, then do it.
Turn from those sins and turn to Christ.
He will forgive you and give you grace to be selfless, to be faithful, to be peacemaking, to be covenant-keeping, to be forgiveness and keep short accounts.
Keep your eyes on Jesus. And you will keep together.
October 22, 2006
Matthew 19:1-9
Today is our last day specifically on the topic of marriage in our Home Improvement Series. We’ve talked so far about headship, submission, being married to an unbeliever, and being lovers. Next week, we’re going to talk about one of the world’s bad alternatives to marriage: homosexuality. And parents, you may want to think about whether or not to have your younger kids in the service next week. Just like last week, it will be a G-rated show. I will not be graphic or crude in any way [in fact, I’ll be less explicit than last week because the Bible is], but the subject matter is potentially explosive, so you may want to take some care with the younger ones and at least be ready to have some good family discussion of what is said.
And then in November, we’ll begin talking about children and parenting. So, today is our last day specifically on the subject of marriage.
And today we’re going to tackle the topic of when marriage goes sour. When marriages experience conflict. And when marriages threaten to break up.
Divorce.
To continue our construction metaphor, divorce is the threat of demolition to our home-improvement project. At least, demolition to the marriage part of home improvement.
And I don’t have to say much to convince you that divorce is demolition.
Every family here has been touched by the excruciating pain of divorce in some way or another. We’ve all seen it, some more closely than others. A number of us here have been divorced or are the children of divorce and feel its effects. And our culture, especially our local culture, bears all of the marks of demolition because of the destructive force of divorce.
In Matthew 19, the Pharisees (Jesus’ religious enemies), tried to trip him up on the subject of divorce. Let’s read it. Matthew 19, verse 1.
“When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’”
Now, notice that this was not an honest question. Verse 3 says that they were testing Him.
This question of the legality and permissibility of divorce was one that the rabbis had argued over for a few centuries, and they were trying to get Jesus into trouble by laying a trap for Him.
They are specifically referencing a popular debate over a text in Deuteronomy 24. Some rabbis taught that you could only divorce (and it was mandated to divorce) if there was adultery. Others taught this (v.3) that you could divorce for any and every reason including the wife burning the toast!
But Jesus, as usual, doesn’t fall for the trap and cuts His own unique path through the minefield. He takes them back to a more fundamental text: Genesis 2. Look at v.4.
“‘Haven't you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.’”
Jesus takes them back to the original design for marriage–in the garden. And He points out that we were made male and female and because of that, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. That’s the biblical definition of marriage.
And who does that? Who does the marriage? V.6. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
This is God’s fundamental stance on divorce. He hates it.
He despises divorce. He doesn’t want it. It’s against His revealed will.
He puts couples together in marriage. He doesn’t want them undoing it.
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Now, the Pharisees didn’t like that answer. They still thought that they could trap Him by using the Law of Moses (which was God’s Law, after all) to catch Jesus in a wrong answer. V.7
“‘Why then,’ they asked, ‘did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?’ Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.’”
Now catch what Jesus is doing here.
On the one hand, He reveals that divorce is permissible in God’s eyes in some situations.
God (through Moses) permitted divorce because of human weakness–the hardness of men’s hearts.
And Jesus allows one exception to the general rule here in verse 9. “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness [Greek Word: porneia - a wide range of sexual sins], and marries another woman commits adultery.”
So marital unfaithfulness is an exception to the general rule.
And the Apostle Paul makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 7:5 that believing spouses who have been abandoned by unbelieving spouses do not have to consider themselves bound either.
So there are two exceptions to the general rule.
But notice what Jesus is doing! He is saying that, on the one hand, divorce is permissible in God’s eyes in some situations (porneia and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse), but on the other hand, He is establishing the priority of the general rule.
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Anything outside of those two exceptions is adultery and is opposed by God.
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
While divorce is sometimes permissible, [and if you are divorced for one of God’s exceptional reasons, there is no shame for you to feel...and yet...while divorce is sometimes permissible...] God’s fundamental stance towards it is hate.
Malachi 2:16, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the LORD God of Israel.”
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
What God has joined together, let couples KEEP TOGETHER.
Now, I’d like to give three principles that I think are biblical counsel for couples to keep them together.
If I had time, I’d love to talk about how to follow Christ after being divorced because I know that a number of us here are in that boat.
And many of you are doing that very well and living out a God-centered lifestyle in your particular situation.
I’m hopeful that some of what I’ll have to say in a month or so about singleness will apply directly to you.
But today, I’d like to try to help our married couples keep together. And if you are soon to be married or would like to be married, I think this would be good counsel for you to store away, as well.
Because Jesus was adamant: “What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
#1. KEEP YOUR PROMISES.
At our wedding, my Dad told us that marriage is simple (not easy, but simple). There are only two keys to a good marriage, he said: marry the right person and keep your promises.
Keep your promises.
If you are married, do you remember what you said at the altar? “Before God and these witnesses?”
Here’s what I said on June 18, 1994:
I, Matthew Charles,
give myself to you, Heather Joy,
to be your heart’s companion,
your helper and partner,
your support and your safe place.
By the power of our Lord Jesus Christ
I will not break this vow
whether we are in sickness or in health,
poverty or wealth,
sorrow or joy.
I give you my love.
Those were my promises and they entailed a bunch of others.
And if God put us together, then I need to keep us together by keeping my promises.
It’s about commitment. What I’ve noticed about couples these days is that they are not committed to their promises from the beginning and to the end.
They don’t seem to realize that marriage is a lifelong thing. There seems to be “escape clauses” built into their understanding of marriage.
But marriage is supposed to be “for better, for worse, and for keeps.”
Genesis 2:24. “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Marriage is supposed to be a permanent bond built on solemn promises–a covenant brought together by God.
I’ve said it a number of times this Fall already. That’s what you build your marriage upon–commitment...not feelings.
When conflict comes (and conflict is inevitable!), you stay married because you are married! You are in covenant with that person.
Here’s one practical way to do this: never use the D-Word.
Don’t joke about it.
Don’t throw it in there sometimes to get a reaction.
Don’t use it when you’re fighting.
Banish it from your relational dictionary for you and your spouse.
Never use the D-Word.
Your kids (if you have any) will thank you for it.
Keep your promises.
That includes being faithful to your spouse, right?
What we saw last week in Proverbs 5 about being satisfied with your spouse alone. Eyes for her, eyes for him alone.
Adultery devastates marriages. Don’t allow yourself to go down that path even a little bit.
If you are tempted, then read Proverbs chapter 5 three times a day every day for the next month. And do what it says.
Be faithful. Keep your promises. I know that it’s harder than it sounds, but it is possible, and it’s what you need.
Keep your promises.
God put you together. It’s not just you and her. It’s not just you and him. What God has joined together you keep together.
Keep your promises.
#2. KEEP SHORT ACCOUNTS.
This means to be peacemakers in your home.
It means to work through conflict and make sure you get it worked through.
Ken Sande in his excellent book, Peacemaking for Families says in chapter 1, “Marriage Means Conflict.”
You are going to have conflict. It’s inevitable. You are two imperfect sinners joined together in covenant relationship! You’re going to have trouble.
The question is what are you going to do with that conflict?
Conflict is an opportunity for God to work in your marriage.
And for you to work it out.
Now some people fall into the ditch on one hand of what Ken Sande calls “Peace-Faking” that is running away or trying to escape from conflict. Raise your hand if that’s your normal way of handling things.
And the ditch on the other side is what Ken Sande calls “Peace-Breaking” which is attacking and trying to win the argument at all costs. Raise your hand if you that’s your normal way of handling things.
In the middle is peacemaking–the process of working out your differences in God’s grace. And it involves a lot of longsufferingness and forgiveness.
Keeping short accounts.
Two weeks ago I told you about a fight that my wife and I had where she had ended up being submissive.
A number of you asked for more information about that fight. I’m guessing that you didn’t know that Heather and I don’t always agree.
We were actually arguing about training wheels.
I was for, she was against. And we were both pretty dead-set in our opinions about it. At one point, the “discussion” came to tears.
But there are two things about our “fights” that you need to know.
First is that we are (point #1) committed to our covenant. So any disagreement takes place within our marriage and doesn’t threaten to undo it.
Sometimes to cool down we have to leave the room. Once I actually left our apartment. In my socks! There wasn’t anywhere for me to go.
But we know that we are both committed to our marriage no matter what. We are in covenant. And so we are free to disagree within a safe place.
And the second thing you need to know about our “fights” is that we resolve them. Every one of them.
We take Ephesians 4:26-27 very seriously. It says, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Lots of couples let the devil get a foothold in their marriages by letting little conflicts go unresolved and adding up to big conflicts.
Paul says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
Keep short accounts.
Be quick to forgive.
Be diligent to confront.
Be fast to overlook.
Bear with one another.
We take this phrase literally. “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
We don’t go to bed with unreconciled conflict.
Now, sometimes, we have to agree to disagree and go to sleep–on the issue. Agree to disagree on the issue we are disagreeing about.
But not on the relationship. We don’t got to bed angry.
And sometimes we have heavy-eyelids the next day because it took some time to work it out.
But we do. And I expect our marriage to last until we die or Jesus returns.
Keep short accounts.
Now, I know that that’s easier said than done. Especially when one of the spouses isn’t willing to work on it.
And you can’t do their side for them. You can’t.
But you can take responsibility for your side. And you can look out for their best interests.
Remember Philippians 2 that we quoted last week. “Look not only to your own interests, but to the interests of others.”
What I see today is couples that are more concerned about their “rights” than about their spouse’s best interests.
What would happen if every husband laid aside his own agenda and looked out first of all for his wife’s interests? Even if they were fighting.
What would happen if every wife laid aside her own personal agenda and looked out first all for her husband’s interests? Even if he seemed to be against her.
The best book I’ve ever read on conflict-ridden lopsided marriages is by Leslie Vernick, and the title says it all How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong.
David Powlison calls that a “Unilateral Love Offensive.”
You can love your spouse and do what’s best for them even if they don’t return the favor.
That’s got to be part of your commitment.
To keep short accounts.
Heather and I worked our conflict out. And when she was submissive and said that we could do it my way, I proposed a compromise where we try it her way for a little while but we keep the option of adding training wheels alive.
We worked it out.
Keep short accounts.
If you are having trouble working it out. Let me give you a piece of advice.
Get help early on.
Get help now.
Too many couples (most of them!) wait until its almost too late to seek out help.
Remember that sermon I gave 6 months ago from Proverbs 15:22? “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Humble yourself and get help.
Let me say something provocative: All marriages need outside help.
I’m not saying professionally.
But we are sinful people who need each other. That’s why we have the Body of Christ.
That’s why we offer Link Groups. That’s why we need fellowship with each other.
Not everything requires a pastor or a counselor.
But we all need each other. All marriages need outside help.
Especially when you’re stuck. Don’t try to go it alone. Seek out someone you trust to talk it out.
Call a Christian friend with a marriage you respect.
Give me a call. I’m here for your marriages.
Call another one of our elders. They’d be glad to help you.
Keep short accounts, and when you can’t, get help without delay.
Because God has put you together. Your job is to keep together.
And the third way to do that: #3. KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS.
Be Gospel-Centered in your marriage.
Keep your eyes on Jesus.
If you are looking to your spouse to satisfy your deepest desires, you will be so disappointed. But if you are looking to Jesus for your heart’s satisfaction, you will not be disappointed in the slightest.
Jesus Christ died and was raised for your sins.
He died and was raised for the sins you have committed against your spouse.
He died and was raised for the sins you have received from your spouse.
And there is grace to cover them all at the Cross.
Keep your eyes on Jesus.
Remember what Holly said last week about the Real Love Triangle?
Jesus at the top and you and your spouse on either side.
If you both move towards Jesus, you will move towards one another.
And the worst case scenario would be if your spouse decided to no longer move towards Jesus. But where does that leave you?
Closer to Jesus anyway. And that’s what really matters, isn’t it?
Keep you eyes on Jesus.
If that means that you need to repent of something, then do it.
If you need to repent of your selfishness in your marriage, then do it.
If you need to repent of unfaithfulness in your marriage, then do it.
If you need to repent of peace-faking or peace-breaking in your marriage, then do it.
If you need to repent of treating your covenant lightly, then do it.
If you need to repent of unforgiveness and lingering bitterness, then do it.
Turn from those sins and turn to Christ.
He will forgive you and give you grace to be selfless, to be faithful, to be peacemaking, to be covenant-keeping, to be forgiveness and keep short accounts.
Keep your eyes on Jesus. And you will keep together.
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