Thursday, August 07, 2008

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

CCEF Class Update - Ready to Go!

Yes! All of the pre-course work is done for my CCEF classes next week.

Praise the Lord! And thank you, gentle readers, for praying.

CCEF Paper #4: Marriage Counseling


John Gottman doesn’t offer a definition of a successful marriage, but his seven-part counsel for his readers suggests something like this: Marriage, at its best, is equal and affectionate partners in life achieving their dreams together. Couples can do this by increasing their “emotional intelligence” in specific ways.

Gottman believes that science has proven that couples who are dialed into each other’s lives in such a way that they really know their partners (especially their “dreams”), enjoy one another, listen to each other, and resolve at least their easier conflicts will stay together and achieve some measure of happiness (apparently the sunnum bonnum of marriage).

In this scheme, God is almost completely absent, at least in any authoritative sense (Almighty Science has taken His place). The only reason given for a couple to stay together when having trouble is the long term health benefits for them and their children (and that’s only if there is a good chance of the marriage becoming happy)! There is no transcendent quality to marriage beyond the personal dreams and “shared meaning” created by the couple themselves (principle #7).

There is plenty of good advice for growing in the skills needed to love your spouse–turning towards your spouse is a great idea! However, the skillful love required is definitely natural, not supernatural, a few of the suggestions are atrocious (ex. speaking harshly against someone who has had a conflict with your spouse to build solidarity as a couple), and the whole thing assumes that each partner is generally a good person who just needs to work on their relational skills.

“Becoming a dream detective” (part of principle #6) is terrific counsel for understanding what motives underlie a behavior or a conflict. But each dream suggested is described as “beautiful” and equal with any others. No dreams are considered bad, evil, sinful or even simply inordinate. What if these dreams collide? Gottman has no solution for such situations, believing that some conflicts are unsolvable and, probably, that most dreams are immutable.


In direct contradistinction, Gary Thomas believes that marriage is all about God, supernatural grace is needed to truly love your spouse, and some dreams need to die. In Sacred Marriage, Thomas describes matrimony as a covenant relationship before God that is intended to sanctify both partners. The marital sunnum bonnum is holiness, not happiness (though happiness would be an eternal by-product of holiness!).

This book is not full of practical advice for building “love-skills;” rather, it is packed with rationale for leaning into suffering service of your mate to shape your character and grow your relationship with God. Thomas teaches that marriage is a school of agape love, a laboratory for prayer, a classroom for learning to serve, and an mirror to expose sin and reveal God. Most of the chapter subtitles include the word “can,” describing the personal spiritual benefits that can be gained by obedience to God in a marriage (the other chapter subtitles also imply this). For Thomas, failure in marriage means not taking advantage of those sanctifying benefits and dishonoring God.

The book urges Christians to embrace the harder parts of marriage, not only because God says to, but because it will ultimately be good for them.


Leslie Vernick’s book is written in much the same vein as Sacred Marriage, even favorably quoting Thomas’ book numerous times. Her main emphasis, however, is how (and why) to act righteously when your mate is acting unrighteously.

The purpose of marriage in Vernick’s book appears to be the glory of God and the growing holiness of and attendant blessings on the obedient partner. It is very sympathetic to those suffering in difficult marriages, but calls them to always opt for obedience even when (especially when!) sinned against. Marriage is the crucible in which the fire of trial refines the gold of the believer.

Vernick emphasizes the power to choose to do what is right (flowing from a heart centered on God). Spouses need to choose to respond (not merely react), to choose to guard their hearts, to choose to worship, to choose to grow, to choose to love. Believers are not controlled by the actions of their partners but can (by God’s empowering grace) act in ways that are counter-intuitive and God-pleasing. There are a number of practical suggestions of how to make these good choices while embroiled in a difficult marital relationship (chapter 8 on “Gifts of Love” is especially helpful). I regularly give this book to counselees whose partners have bewilderingly gone off the rails.

Vernick also emphasizes the blessings that come with obedience in the marriage but stresses that these blessings may not always include the positive change of and/or reconciliation with an offending spouse. The marriage does not exist for itself and may die a painful death, and yet even then, it can be successful in God’s all wise eyes.

Taken together, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong and Sacred Marriage both present a Christian view of marriage–marriage as God-given, God-centered, God-blessed, God-empowered, and God-accountable.


God is strangely missing in David Olson’s book. Even though Integrative Marriage Therapy is part of a Lutheran book series on “Creative Pastoral Care and Counseling,” I didn’t detect even one reference to the Lord. For Olson, apparently, the important parts of marriage are only horizontally oriented.

Olson’s approach comes from a “family systems” understanding of human behavior. “Family therapy focuses on the interaction between people as the principal area for insight and change. By creating changes in the both the structure and the communication of the family, one can frequently resolve problems and achieve a more appropriate sense of equilibrium” (pg. 17).

In this understanding of the family, marriage is seen as an “executive subsystem” necessary for leading a healthy family (pg. 57). The chief goal of family therapy seems to be achieving and then maintaining a sense of family equilibrium sometimes referred to as “homeostasis.” Homeostasis seems to be a worldly counterfeit and echo of the biblical idea of shalom. (Note: At times, Olson also seemed to indicate that homeostasis can be a bad kind of equilibrium that a family unhealthily maintains.) Olson introduces seven different models of therapy within this family systems understanding and then suggests a flow-chart method of integrating them to serve the varying needs of different families to reach a healthy homeostasis (pg. 74, Diagram 4).

There is real truth in this approach. Our behavior as individuals affects the people around us, and their lives affect us. We live in community and are shaped by it. Our families are powerful influences upon us, providing both temptations to sin and (in the best families) encouragements towards righteousness. However, in Integrative Family Therapy, the individual’s responsibility for their own actions seems to be greatly diminished. The system seems to control each of the parts.

There is no definition of a healthy marriage here. Married couples are taught to not “triangulate” (siding with their children over against their spouses) and encouraged to see themselves and how they operate as part of the problem that their children are having. But there is no final standard for deciding if a marriage is itself healthy. Everyone does what is right in their own eyes.

My Own Philosophy of Marriage

My own understanding of marriage would share the same basic principles as Gary Thomas and Leslie Vernick. Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman before the Lord that exists to glorify Him while sanctifying and blessing them. It is all about God. My wife Heather and I are not the main actors in our life’s play, and our marriage is not ultimately about our marriage but about Him. We are married coram Deo, in the presence of God.

This God-centered reality comes out in my counseling of couples. I try to re-frame their understanding of their marital problems and opportunities into biblical categories such as idolatry and sin, active love (defined by 1 Corinthians 13, not Top 40 radio), forgiveness when sinned against, obedience to God’s design (including husbandly headship and wifely submission), faithfulness to our promises, and God-pleasing desires. The ultimate and greatest good for a marriage is one in which both partners are married to the glory of God. Of course, few of my counselees are looking for that kind of talk. Often, by the time they reach my office, they just want to know if their marriage will survive. I try to both practically help them keep going in healthy directions and to lift their gaze to what their marriage could become.

In addition to what Thomas and Vernick are teaching, I would want to also emphasize marital joy. Marriage is God’s gift, not just for sanctification but also for the pleasure and mutual enjoyment of the couple in themselves and in God. John Piper says, “Marriage is a matrix for Christian hedonism,” and he instructs Christians to find their joy in the joy of their beloved. This is not always possible, but when God grants it, it’s a wonderful thing! While reading for the four books for this pre-course assignment, I was repeatedly amazed at how blessed Heather and I are as we enjoy each other in the covenant of marriage. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places!

CCEF Class Update (Last Week)

Praise the Lord! I've read all of the books for my CCEF Class.

Now, this morning, I have to write the last paper.

The end is near.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Matt's Messages "He Saved Us"

“He Saved Us”
August 3, 2008
Titus 3:1-7

Paul has been instructing Titus in what to teach the new church on the island of Crete. He had left Titus behind to identify true elders to combat false teaching and to provide gospel-applying instruction to the believers on Crete so that their lives matched their doctrine.

The title for our series this last month has been “Applying the Gospel” and could very well describe chapter 3, as well. There is really no good way to break up chapter 3, but I want to take 2 weeks to study it anyway, so this week, we’ll look at verses 1 through 7 and then next week, we’ll look at verses 1 through 15 and take the whole chapter together to see the bigger picture.

What I want us to focus on this morning is the gospel itself.

The theme of the whole letter is applying the gospel, and that’s what Paul is doing here in chapter 3, but verses 3 through 7 in English are one long sentence in the original Greek that basically IS the gospel, and I think God wants us to meditate deeply on it this morning before we celebrate it together at His Table.

The key phrase that the whole passage hangs on is “He Saved Us.”

I hope that we never get tired of talking about the gospel.

I hope that we never grow weary of rehearsing what happened to us when we were rescued from our sins.

I hope that we never get complacent about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I hope that we are regularly and freshly moved by the truth encapsulated in this little phrase, “He saved us.”

They say that familiarity breeds contempt.

But it didn’t for the apostle Paul. He couldn’t get familiar enough with the gospel.

He repeats it over and over again in his letters.

The gospel is the engine that drives Paul, and it should be for us, as well.

The whole book of Titus is about applying the gospel, and that’s what Paul is doing in verses 1&2.

“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.”

He’s applying the gospel. These are applications, and we’re going to look at these verses more closely next week.

But you can see just in your first glance, that Paul is continuing to instruct Titus in how to instruct the Cretan believers to live out the implications of the gospel.

They are to live as Christ-followers. To be Christian citizens. To be obey Jesus. To be ready to do what is good. To live as Christian neighbors. To show Christian humility.

Why? Because they have been changed by the gospel. V.3

“At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.”

We used to look like the world. And now we are to look differently!

We used to look like the world. And now everything has changed.

We used to be just like the world, and we needed SAVING!

Look at this description of you and me before coming to Christ:

“...foolish [making bad choices], disobedient [transgressing God’s laws], deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures [we gave in and gave in and gave in]. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.”

That’s what folks are like, down deep, before they come to know Jesus.

That’s what I was like, and it’s what you were like, too.

We used to be just like the world, and we needed SAVING!

But!

Verse 4.

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us...”

He saved us!

We got rescued.

He saved us.

I have 6 brief points this morning, they’re mostly just taken right here from the next few verses.

#1. WHEN THE KINDNESS AND LOVE OF GOD OUR SAVIOR APPEARED.

That’s taken right from verse 4 and it tell us when this salvation came. V.4

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us...”

When was that?

It was Jesus came.

Notice that word “appeared?” It’s the same word that we saw back in chapter 2, verse 11 last week.

It’s the word that we get our word “epiphany” from.

An appearance, a manifestation, a coming into view.

The kindness and love of God our Savior came into view.

God’s love showed up–in person!

We needed saving. We were lost. We were dead in our trespasses and sins.

And then Jesus showed up! That’s what happened! Jesus showed up!

And He lived a perfect life and then died on the Cross, one of the cruelest deaths devised by men!

Why?

Because of what was in His heart.

What does verse 4 say about His coming? Why did Jesus come?

Why did He go to the Cross?

What are we celebrating at this Table?

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us...”

Kindness and LOVE. The Greek word is “philanthropia” meaning a love of humanity.

“God so loved the world...” ...That God our Savior Appeared!

Don’t forget that. Don’t miss that.

As we go to this Table this morning, we remember that this is a Table of love. A table of kindness.

God loves us, friends. God loves you. Jesus loves you.

Do you need to hear that this morning? We need to hear it every day, don’t we?

He saved us when the kindness and love of God Our Savior appeared.

#2. HE SAVED US NOT BECAUSE OF RIGHTEOUS THINGS WE HAD DONE.

That’s what verse 5 says.

“[H]e saved us, not because of righteous things we had done...”

That’s the opposite of all of the other religions in the world.

They are all about man trying to reach up to God.

They are all about self-improvement projects.

Earning our blessings.

But that’s NOT Christianity.

Christianity is not based upon our good works.
Christianity is not based upon our righteous deeds.

And any teaching that bases salvation upon our good works is not Christianity!

It’s a false gospel.

The apostles stress this again and again and again.

It’s not what we do.
It’s not what we have done.
It’s not be works of law.
It’s not by righteous things we have done.

Now, we’ll do righteous things! We better. We’ve been changed by the gospel.

That’s applying the gospel, and that’s what this book is all about.

But let’s be clear: we are saved NOT because of righteous things we had done.

No! He saved us #3. BECAUSE OF HIS MERCY.

He didn’t save us because of something inside of us.

He saved us because of something inside of Him!

When we go to this Table this morning, we remember that this is a Table of MERCY.

It’s not a Table that tells us how good we are. We aren’t.

It’s a Table that tells us that we have not been good and not been good enough.

But that God had mercy on us.

Isn’t that wonderful?!?

God had mercy on us.

Verse 7 calls this kind of salvation, “having been justified by his grace...”

Justification is being declared righteous.

To make up a word it is “Righteousification.”

It is declaring us righteous, not on the basis of righteous things we have done, our righteousness, but on the basis of His righteousness.

His mercy and grace giving us the righteousness of Jesus Christ.

Justification by grace.

It’s the only way to live!

It bring Him the most glory, and it’s just what we needed!

Many people are trying to justify themselves in their own power, and they’ll all fail miserably. Paul tried to, and he was really good at it!

But eventually he came to call it all rubbish, in the King James: “dung.”

The only way to live is to be justified by HIS grace.

That’s why He saved us: because of His mercy.

As we come to the Table this morning, we are reminded of how unworthy we are to receive blessing from God and how thankful we are to live under His mercy.

Amen?

And it’s more than simply justification that saves us. It is also the inner work of the Holy Spirit.

#4. HE SAVED US THROUGH THE WASHING OF REBIRTH AND RENEWAL BY THE HOLY SPIRIT.

This is what it says in at the end of verse 5.

“He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior...”

This takes us back to our sermon series from the beginning of the year on the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Verse 6 says that the Holy Spirit was poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior.

What Jesus did on the Cross purchased the benefits of having the Holy Spirit in our lives.

My kids have been learning a Child’s Catechism recently, and one of the most recent questions is “What happens when I trust in Jesus?”

And the answer, “My sins are forgiven and Jesus sends His Holy Spirit into my life.”

V.6 says He does it “generously.” The King James says, “abundantly.”

And this is what He does at our salvation (v.5), “The washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.”

Three words: Washing, Rebirth, Renewal.

My sins are washed away.
My soul is given a new birth (a regeneration).
My heart is given a new lease on life.

That all happens when I come to faith in Jesus Christ.

By the Holy Spirit of God.

As we go to this Table this morning, we are going to a Spirit-Table.

Did you notice the Trinitarian nature of this passage? It’s there.

God the Father having mercy. God the Son show up and dying for us and sending God the Spirit to wash us, regenerate us, and renew us.

He Saved Us Through the Washing of Rebirth and Renewal by the Holy Spirit.

To what end? #5. SO THAT WE MIGHT BECOME HEIRS HAVING THE HOPE OF ETERNAL LIFE.

Do you see where this goes?

It goes from the misery and perversion of verse 3 to the joy and hope and glory of verse 7.

We go from “foolish, disobedient, deceived, enslaved, malicious, envious, hated and hating” to “heirs having the hope of eternal life!”

This is biblical hope here.

It’s not wishful thinking, “Oh, I hope I get a Texas Sheet Cake this week.” Good luck.

No, this is faith in a sure thing–something promised me by God and not based on my righteousness, but on His mercy.

I’m an heir!

An heir!

We are heirs. Everything promised to Jesus is our inheritance.

He took our sin, we get His inheritance.

That’s why He saved us. He saved us to give us everything worth anything!

That’s the gospel, friends. That’s the good news about Jesus.

Do you believe it?

It’s all true for you and for me if we believe it.

We are heirs having the sure hope of eternal life if we turn from doing it our way and trusting in Him and what He did for us in His kindness, love, and mercy.

He saved us: When the Kindness and Love of God Our Savior Appeared.

He saved us: Not Because of Righteous Things We Had Done.

He saved us: Because of His Mercy.

He saved us: Through the Washing of Rebirth and Renewal by the Holy Spirit.

He saved us: So That We Might Become Heirs Having the Hope of Eternal Life.

And #6. HE SAVED US: AND, IN SO DOING, HE CHANGED OUR LIVES FOREVER.

We live differently now.

The gospel changes us.

We don’t live like verse 3 any more. We live like verses 1 and 2.

Not because we’re so good in and of ourselves. We aren’t.

But because “He Saved Us.”

Because “He Saved Us.”

And it’s the greatest thing in all of the world.

As we come now to the Lord’s Table, we gather around a Table of Love and Kindness.

We gather around a Table, not of Our Righteousness, but of His Mercy and His Grace.

We gather around a Spirit Table. A Table of washing, rebirth, renewal.

We gather around a Table of Hope. The sure and certain hope of eternal life.

We gather around a Table of Salvation.

He Saved Us.

Friday, August 01, 2008

{{Real}} Worship

Josh Perry is at the WorshipGOD conference this week and taking good notes.

It's not as good as being there, but it's good to read (as is the WG blog).

The entire conference is built on rediscovering the Psalms in worship and corresponds to the new CD they've put out.

Whence Matt: Raymond C. Ortlund, Jr.

How clearly I remember the first day of Hebrew Exegesis with Ray Ortlund (RCO).

Together, we opened our copies of the Hebrew Scriptures (what we Christians lovingly call the Old Testament), and Dr. Ortlund solemnly and joyfully (yes, those two things go together) said something like this:

"Men, we have such a great privilege today. For a thousand years, almost no one read the Bible in the original languages. From Jerome until the Reformation, the treasures of this book were not explored by Christians.

Today, we all have our own copies in front of us and can read it in Hebrew, building our theology from the pointing up. What a gift of God to us, men. Let's treat this precious gift as it--a great treasure and privilege."

And then for months on end, one class at a time, we would be caught up in worship of the living God in the pages of the sacred text. My favorite was Isaiah 40--the awesome picture of our Sovereign Creator God was breathtaking and formed the basis for my first 2 and several more sermons here at LEFC.

Dr. Ortlund's passion for God is contagious and his books continued to feed my soul over the last decade (especially A Passion for God and When God Comes to Church). Now, he's begun blogging on Fridays, and his posts are each worthy of meditation.

Today's post was characteristic of what I've really learned from him and sparked my desire to write about him:
Codex Sinaiticus, the magnificent fourth-century manuscript of the Greek Bible, is now available on-line at codexsinaiticus.org. Along with every other manuscript of the Scriptures, it is the most precious thing in all the world. If the volumes in the British Museum, the art of the Louvre and all the treasures of all the libraries and museums throughout all the world were somehow burned to a crisp in a terrible fire, we would be diminished. But we would live on. If however we lost our Bibles and the manuscripts on which they are based, we would die. Our souls would die. It would take a few years for the full impact to be felt. But we would start to unravel at every level. Goofy ideas would somehow capture our foolish imaginations. The rich truths of the gospel would fade from view, we would embrace plastic substitutes, and we would congratulate ourselves on our progress. If we think we have troubles now, they are nothing, less than nothing, compared to what we would be without the Bible to stabilize us, refresh us, warn us, lift us, inspire us, shock us, correct us, fill us, empower us and keep us moving toward Christ.

Thank God for the Bible! It is the most precious thing in all the world.
Amen, and thanks, Dr. Ortlund for holding it out to us with solemn joy.

[UPDATE: I added more good stuff about RCO on August 30th.]