Thank You!

Acknowledgments for Resisting Gossip Together.

I am a grateful man because I am a blessed man.

Thank you, Heather Joy, for your steadfast love through the ups and downs and twists and turns of this “book thing.” I am a blessed husband. I love you.

Thank you, Robin, Andrew, Peter, and Isaac for being such cheerleaders for Daddy’s book. I am a blessed father.

Thank you, Chuck and Anita Mitchell, for your listening ears, earnest counsel, and overwhelming support. I am a blessed son.

Thank you, Lanse Free Church Family, for praying me through this process and for letting me set aside time to write this guide and to produce the videos. We, as a church, are resisting gossip together! I am a blessed pastor.

Thanks, Gary Foster, for ably representing me once again as my intrepid agent. And thank you, David Almack and your growing team at CLC Publications. It’s a humbling joy to see these resources come into existence and help people around the world. Thanks for giving the videos away online! I am a blessed author.

Thank you, Laurel Eriksen, for the webdesign of matt-mitchell.blogspot.com, especially adding the new page with resources for Resisting Gossip Together. And thank you, Elizabeth Nelson, Dennis Wadsworth, and Dan Ledford for some on-the-spot editing at just the right moment. I am blessed to have you as my friends.

Thank you, David Platt, for the idea of adding “together” to the name of the study guide. When I first read Radical Together, I loved the concept of building community around this teaching. That’s what it’s all about!

Thank you, Spencer Folmar of Third Brother Films, for producing the Resisting Gossip Video Series with such high quality. I wouldn’t have believed that it could be so much fun!

I’m really grateful for those folks who opened up their homes, businesses, or other sites for us to shoot the videos “on location.” Thank you, Cody & Holly Crumrine, Jerome Nevling, Tom & Leesa Folmar, Maxine Orwick of the West Branch Dairy Diner (a.k.a. “The Pumpkin House”), Jeff Spanogle and the Clearfield Alliance Christian School, Bob Selfridge of TMM Data, Joe Greenland and the board of the Oak Hill Memorial Cemetery, and Lanse Evangelical Free Church.

Thank you, Susan Stallings, for being my biggest collaborator on this project. Thanks for sharing all of your notes with me from your women’s Bible studies and giving me permission to freely use your ideas for digging deeper–especially those helpful charts. You’ve taught this material on resisting gossip more than anyone but me! I love your commitment to inductive Bible study and not just fluffy storytelling. Thanks also for your lighting-fast and eagle-eyed editing of the first drafts. This little book may not have ever been finished without you, and it certainly wouldn’t have been as good. I am a blessed nephew.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for these people who have blessed me in so many ways. You are the greatest giver and the best gift of all. May you and your Father get all the glory.

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"Resisting Gossip Together" Releases Today!

Rejoice with me!

My new book Resisting Gossip Together: Participant's Guide and Bible Study is now officially available. I'm grateful to CLC Publications for partnering with me to provide this resource to individuals and groups that want to go deeper in learning how to win the war of the wagging tongue.

Read the introduction here to get a sense of what RGT is all about (see also this interview). You can also find additional information and articles to stimulate further thought at together.resistinggossip.com.

The DVD with the complete Resisting Gossip Video Teaching Series is now

officially available, as well. The entire film series is free for streaming, downloading, and sharing online, too.

A lot to celebrate today. Praise the Lord!

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Even More Ideas for Group Leaders Using "Resisting Gossip Together"

An appendix to the Leaders' Guide in Resisting Gossip Together
by Susan Stallings* and Matt Mitchell

Lesson One 

How about starting the first lesson with a party-game of “Telephone?”

There are several versions online:

15 Phrases for the Telephone Game
E-How to Play the Telephone Game
WIKI-HOW How To Play the Telephone Game

You could make some “Buckeyes” or another choice morsel and enjoy them as you talk.

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A Recipe for Buckeyes

by Heather Mitchell

Ingredients

18 oz jar of crunchy peanut butter
1 lb. powdered sugar
1 T. vanilla
1/2c. softened butter
12 oz. of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/4 bar of paraffin

Directions

1. Mix and roll peanut butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, and butter into balls.

2. Put a toothpick in each ball and chill in the freezer.

3. Melt chocolate and paraffin together in double boiler and partially dip balls, leaving top plain to resemble a Buckeye.

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The Digging Deeper section for Lesson 1 fits nicely between questions 2 and 3 of the Questions for Group Discussion.

You can apply inductive study techniques (observation, interpretation, application) to the Digging Deeper Romans passage by having your students ask the “Who, what, why, when, and how” questions.

You might also ask, “Who benefits from gossip?”  (Gossip magazines, media, people who need to know)

Some additional Scriptures to consider:

- James 3:2  - Does everyone fall prey to gossip?

- Proverbs 6:16-19 – How many things on this list relate to gossip?

- Word study:  Discuss the difference between the two possible root words for gossip in Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22, halam and laham.  How might both root words convey an accurate description of the consequences of gossip?

Be sure to end on a positive note with God’s promises to help us deal with this sin.


Lesson Two

You might ask the group to share their favorite book, movie, family story (as long as it is not gossip!), or favorite author. What stories do they like?

The Digging Deeper Bible Study fits nicely between questions 3 and 4 of the Questions for Group Discussion.

You could apply inductive study techniques to the Romans passage in Question 5.  Ask the Who, What, Where, When, and How questions.  There is a good contrast in this passage.  Have your group make two lists – one describing what they were like as a slave to sin and another what they are like as a slave to God. Discuss their observations.

For visual learners, you can make a visual aid representing the truths found in the passages in the Digging Deeper Bible Study, especially Question 4.  Draw a large heart and record words that represent these truths.


Lesson Three

Be sure to use the chart in the Digging Deeper Bible Study. Read and discuss together each of the Scriptures on the chart for the five gossips. Tackle each type individually.

For visual learners, if you have a white board, create the chart and fill it in as your discussion progresses.

The Digging Deeper Bible Study fits nicely between questions 1 and 2 of the Questions for Group Discussion.

Word Studies. In addition to rakil and nirgan, you could lead your group in a study of other Hebrew and Greek words translated “gossip” or related to the concept.

Lashon Seter, Proverbs 25:23

Dibbah, Genesis 37:1, Ezekiel 36:3, Proverbs 10:18

Psithurismos, Romans 1:29, 2 Corinthians 12:20 (This word even sounds like a snake!)

Pluaros, 1 Timothy 5:13, 3 John 10

Dilogos and Diabolos, 1 Timothy 3:8, 3:11, Titus 2:3


Lesson Four

Refer to last week’s chart to discuss the ways each type of gossip is being judgmental.

Discuss these additional Scriptures for being discerning:

- I Kings 3:9, Ezekiel 44:23; Proverbs 15:14; Hebrews 5:14

Do a further word study on katalaleo.

For visual learners you can create a visual aid showing the contrast between a gossip and a Christ-like person as your discussion progresses.

The Digging Deeper Bible Study in Lesson 4 is an extension of Question 4 in the Questions for Group Discussion.


Lesson Five

The warm-up question about accountability might fit better at the end for some groups.

For visual learners, if you have a white board, create the chart on page 46 and fill it in as your discussion progresses.

The Digging Deeper Bible Study fits nicely between questions 2 and 3 of the Questions for Group Discussion.

Ask your group to list ways they can be encouraging to others, things they actually might do or say.

Additional Scriptures – If time, your group can read and discuss the power of the tongue in James 3:1-17.


Lesson Six

The Digging Deeper Bible Study in Lesson 6 is an extension of Question 2 in the Questions for Group Discussion.

Ask the Who, What, Where, When and How questions for the Ephesians 5 passage.

For visual learners, recreate the chart on the board as the group discusses their answers.

Word Study – mimatai – we get our word for mimeograph from that Greek word. It means to make an exact copy of, i.e. to “Xerox” God by sacrificially loving others. In Ephesians 5:1 we are told to be imitators of God.

Additional Scriptures – If time, your group can read and discuss:

- Col. 1:9 – prayer for understanding of God’s will

- Ephesians 4:14-16 – how to avoid listening to the schemes of men


Lesson Seven

The Digging Deeper Bible Study for Lesson 7 fits nicely between questions 1 and 2 of the Questions for Group Discussion.

Along with Group Discussion Question #2, apply inductive study methods to Psalm 140. Who is David speaking with? What kind of relationship does he have with God? What does David ask of God? Why? How does David describe the men who are against him?  How does he describe God?

For the visual learner, list on the board what David asks of God: “Rescue me, Protect me, Keep me, [give me] mercy.”  In another column list the attributes of God that David acknowledges: “Sovereign, strong deliverer, shield, One who secures justice.” Discuss these attributes and why they would give us confidence to trust God with our reputations.

You could also recreate the chart from the Digging Deeper section for the visual learner.

Additional Scriptures – often we need to be patient to wait on the Lord for deliverance from our situation.  Study James 5:7-11, Psalm 130:5, Isaiah 64:4, Romans 8:28, 32.


Lesson Eight

Ask “What does it look like to love someone who is gossiping about you?”  Ask if anyone has had the opportunity to respond in love to a gossip.

For the visual learner put on the board the answers to the question, “When we pray for our enemies, what are some things we should pray for?” (pages 127-128)

Additional scriptures:

- Prov. 17:9, 2 Sam 16:5-13 – King David accepted criticism because he realized God allowed it in his life. God may want to teach us something!

The Digging Deeper Bible Study for Lesson 8 is an extension of Question 5 in the Questions for Group Discussion.

Apply inductive study techniques to the 1 Peter passage in the Digging Deeper Bible Study.  Ask students to list what we are to do if we want to love life and see good days. Then list what else we are to do according to vs. 14-16. Ask your group to think about how to apply these truths in their own lives.


Lesson Nine

The Digging Deeper Bible Study for Lesson 9 is an extension of Question 2 in the Questions for Group Discussion.

For the visual learner, recreate the chart for I John 1:5 – 2:2. Fill it in as group members give the answers.

Additional Scripture and word study – atonement – to cover over.  What did atonement mean in the Old Testament?  Leviticus 16:20-22, 30. Why did it have to be a blood sacrifice?  Leviticus 17:11. What is our response to be?  Hebrews 10:19-25.

Discussion Question 6 is optional. Some groups will want to skip it. Others will use it as a wrap-up of all that has been studied thus far. If your group does it, use a whiteboard and have group members list the characteristics of one who walks with God. Discuss which qualities in Psalm 15 pertain to gossip.


Lesson Ten

In your discussion of Lesson 10, you could shift the focus from your local church to your family or your close circle of Christian friends.

The Digging Deeper Bible Study fits nicely between questions 3 and 4 of the Questions for Group Discussion.

The leader can apply inductive study techniques to the Ephesians 4 passage in Digging Deeper. Ask the “Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How” questions.

For the visual learner, list on the board the answers to Question 4,  Ephesians 4:4-6.

For the visual learner you can list on the board the strategies for unity:

1. Pray Hard

2. Agree to “Bear With” Not “Bite” Each Other.

3. Be Extra Careful with Reputations

4. Call Each Other Out

5. Remember the Gospel

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*I’m extremely grateful to Susan Stallings for writing the first draft of this list. She has taught through this material several times to various groups and spent many hours brainstorming and recording ideas for group leaders. I’ve whittled the list down a bit, translated some of it into my own words, and sprinkled in some ideas of my own. If you’re trying to figure out which of us wrote what–she came up with all the good ones.

What are your thoughts? Please leave a comment with your best ideas for maximizing a group learning experience in resisting gossip.

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[Matt's Messages] The Resisting Gossip Sermon Series

Flashback to 2011.

Read or listen to the original sermon series (manuscripts and audio) that formed the basis for Resisting Gossip.

Resisting Gossip Together releases this coming Tuesday.

You can also view thew new Resisting Gossip Video Teaching Series online or order the DVD.

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Niagara Botanical Garden, Canada

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Kindle Version of "Resisting Gossip Together"

The Kindle version of Resisting Gossip Together is out already a few days before the paperback becomes available. 

That also means that the "Look Inside" feature is now enabled for the paperback so the introduction and first chapter are visible on Amazon.

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What Is "Resisting Gossip Together" ?

From the introduction to my new book Resisting Gossip Together which releases on Tuesday, October 7th:

Welcome to Resisting Gossip Together!

I have designed this companion book in the hopes that it would enhance your reading of Resisting Gossip, take you deeper into personal Bible study, and facilitate your participation in an interactive discussion group.

Gossip is a real problem for followers of Christ. It is notoriously hard to define and even harder to resist. Gossip is alluring and addictive but also dangerous and painful. It causes heartache and division between people and leaves the gossiping person full of shame and regret. We as Christians are often not adequately prepared to fight against it.

My prayer is that Resisting Gossip Together will help you to win the war of the wagging tongue through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Format & Features

Resisting Gossip Together consists of ten lessons that follow a three part format. I provide you with activities to do before and after your group meets as well as a suggested outline for your group meetings.

Before each meeting, you will read the chapter that the lesson is based upon and answer the “Questions for Group Discussion” that are found at the back of each chapter. They are also in this study guide with room for recording your answers. These questions are the centerpiece of each group meeting. If your time is limited, make sure to at least read the chapter and think about your answers to these questions.

If you have more time, each lesson includes a “Digging Deeper Bible Study” that more extensively develops one aspect of the teaching in that chapter. Doing this study will help you to understand the concepts better and provide more information for you to share with your fellowship group.

Each lesson also includes: a short introduction explaining the educational goals for that lesson, an additional “warm-up” question to get the discussion started, prayer prompts for your group, a key verse to memorize and meditate upon, crucial application questions to be asking yourself along the way, and a suggestion or two for further thinking with additional online reading.

The Resisting Gossip Video Series

This book also corresponds with a set of 10 videos filmed in various locations around our little community in central Pennsylvania. Each video introduces and briefly unpacks the central idea of the corresponding lesson. You can watch them anytime, either before, during, or after your group meeting. These teaching videos are completely free, downloadable, and shareable from any computer or Internet connected device. Please use them and tell others that they are available! A DVD with all 10 videos is also available to purchase from CLC Publications.

Sowing and Reaping

I loaded this workbook with many options for you to utilize. Do the ones that seem the most helpful to you. Although it is designed for studying together with others, it is also suitable for individual enrichment. The more time and effort you invest, the more you will gain (Psalm 126:5-6, Galatians 6:7-9).  Mark this book up. Use a highlighter. Write in the spaces provided and in the margins. Open your Bible and track down the verse references. Pray as you go!

May the Lord bless your investment and use your time in His Word to give you a better biblical understanding of the problem of gossip and, even more, a greater grasp of the glorious gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

-Matt Mitchell
Lanse Evangelical Free Church
Lanse, Pennsylvania
June 2014

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Gossip Is NOT Just a Female Thing!

Who Gossips More: Men or Women?

That’s actually a hard question to answer. It’s clear that women are more often thought of as gossips. I hear a lot of scorn heaped on women for gossip whereas the men seem to get a pass. Females are always the butt of the gossip jokes:

“What’s the best way to spread a message? Television, telephone, or tell-a-woman?”

I was surprised in my study of gossip in the Bible, however, to see gossip noted as a temptation for both genders. Certainly, 1 Timothy 5 says that women are prone (and see 1 Timothy 3:11 and Titus 2:3, as well). But the Proverbs–a book primarily written by men for young men–present gossipers in a more masculine context. And the brothers who were idle in Thessalonica were definitely becoming busybodies.

Gossip Is Not Just a Female Thing. 

Men often fall into gossip, but we do it in masculine ways–the locker room scuttlebutt, the board room rumors, the two buddies in a deerstand or pickup truck sharing a shameful story about someone who isn’t there. I said it this way in Resisting Gossip:

Let’s be clear: this behavior is not just a female thing! Women get blamed for being gossips more than men do because they are more relational by nature and more interested in the things that make up stereotypical gossip. Gossip, though, is a gender-equal sin. The busybodies Paul confronted in Thessalonica included a number of unemployed men (see 2 Thess 3:6-14). If we are not busy with productive, purposeful, godly activity, any of us can easily be sucked into being a gossipy busybody (pg. 56-57).

On the Other Hand...

Conversely, it is possible that gossip, while a temptation for both genders, is more of a temptation for women than men. [See my interaction last January with sharp-thinking missionary and blogger Paul Schlehlein on this question.] I can’t say empirically that men have just as many opportunities to gossip as women do or that gossip isn’t more tantalizing for more women than men. It is certainly true that many many women have reported struggling with this temptation (and I’m thankful for the women’s ministries who have written me thank-you notes for how Resisting Gossip has helped them). I wish I had more than anecdotal evidence to go upon for answering this question.

Perhaps it has less to do with gender than wordiness and relationality. Those people, male or female, who talk more and are more extroverted are probably much more prone to sinful gossip. “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

I know for a fact that, in my house, the husband is at least 500% more likely to gossip than the wife.

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Resisting Gossip Together releases on Tuesday, October 7th.

View The Resisting Gossip Video Teaching Series online or order the DVD.

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Gossip and Prayer Requests

Oh, those infamous prayer requests!

“We need to pray for Olivia and Liam. I heard that they might be getting a divorce!”

“I’m calling to ask for prayer for the church board. Something big is happening tonight. The chairman might resign!”

“How do we keep gossip out of our prayer ministries?” is the most frequently asked question I have received since I began teaching on resisting gossip.

It’s complicated. We want to encourage much intercessory prayer, so we create and maintain phone chains and email prayer lists and we take requests for others at small groups and prayer meetings. However, prayer requests come from sinners, are about sinners, and are passed on to other sinners, so there are plenty of opportunities for sinful gossip to make an entrance in the process (Proverbs 10:19).

Here is a mental checklist that I have developed for managing prayer requests in a careful, godly manner. Before you pass on that request, make sure to check your facts, your role, your audience, and your heart.

❑ Check Your Facts

Prayer requests can be famous for being fuzzy. That’s no big deal if the situation isn’t something potentially shameful. If it gets reported that “Cheryl is having her tonsils out,” when Cheryl is really going to have her wisdom teeth removed, it’s embarrassing to the one with the incorrect facts, but not embarrassing to Cheryl. But if we report that “Cheryl got cut from the team” or “Cheryl lost her job” or “Cheryl broke up with Jeremy,” then it could be very damaging.

Check your source. Is this info straight from the horse’s mouth? Verify the facts. Is there another way of interpreting the facts you have (Proverbs 18:17)?  Don’t transmit hearsay or rumor. Make sure what you are passing on is true.

And remember–you don't have to share all of the juicy details with others (even their names). God knows all about it.

❑ Check Your Role

Are you the right person to pass on this request? Do the people being talked about want this request to be made known? Would they want it repeated if they knew about it? Is the prayer request confidential? (If so, keep it that way!) Is this your place? Should you shoulder this prayer burden alone, not shrug it off onto others?

Many of us never ask ourselves these key questions. The answers are not always obvious. Sometimes we still need to pray for people who wouldn’t want it–unbelievers who don’t believe in prayer, for example. But, often, simply applying Jesus’ Golden Rule of Thumb answers a lot of difficult questions (Matthew 7:12).

❑ Check Your Audience

Some people shouldn’t be trusted with certain prayer requests. Think about the person you are talking with. Are they tempted to be a gossip? Do they seem over-eager to hear bad news? Do they have a reputation for being safe or unsafe with confidences (Proverbs 11:13)?

Be discerning. There may be nothing wrong with passing on this request to one person but everything wrong with passing it on to another.

❑ Check Your Heart

Sinful gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart. What is your motivation for sharing this prayer request? Is it loving? Is it for the glory of God?

Be honest. Do you actually want to be seen as someone “in the know” with an inside scoop? Do you want to impress your friend?  Do you get a surreptitious thrill from sharing the juicy secret? Are you passing it on for entertainment purposes? Are you asking for prayer about a situation so that you can stealthily complain? Would you say it differently if the person you’re talking about was present?

A good prayer request comes from the good stored up in a good heart, and one day, we’ll all have to give an account for the prayer requests we passed on (cf. Matthew 12:35-36). May we be found faithful.

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Resisting Gossip Together releases on Tuesday, October 7th.

View The Resisting Gossip Video Teaching Series online or order the DVD.

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